EG Parent Award #63

You know how I feel about the Elf on the Shelfelf 01

I don’t think some parents realise the ‘dark forces’ they are messing with. But hey – if they are happy to share the entertainment with us (albeit for different reasons), then who am I to complain?

Gives me a whole lot more material to work with here at EG Inc.

But then there is one parent (or in special cases, two). They get it. They recognise the potential and they RUN WITH IT!!

Introducing the Wynbergs!

 

elf 02

Photo by Megan Wynberg / Facebook

Here are two parents who have decided that if the spawnlings are going to hassle them forever about the Damn Elf on the Shelf, then they were going to have fun with it too.

I love this for two separate reasons, and it works as a tool of Evil Genius Parenting for either of these reasons:

  1. The kids are going to be completely spooked by this life-size effort and will freak out, turning off Elf on the Shelf for the rest of their lives. Fun for all. OR
  2. The kids will go absolutely APE over this, love it SOOOOOOOO much – and no pissy little ordinary Elf on the Shelf will EVER be able to compete with the awesomeness here. THIS is my favourite and preferred reason.

I’m really hoping the spawnlings are as awesome as the parents, and completely appreciate the brilliance behind this. Fairly good chance of that being so.

You can see all the shenanigans of FLE the Elf on Megan Wynberg’s Facebook page. And they are plastered all over the social media too.

C’mon minions. They have raised the bar. What are YOU doing for your own season celebrations?

 

EG Parent Award #62

Ugh.

I have just had the week from Tartarus. And all because of being a volunteer parent for multiple spawnlings’ extra-curricular activities.

Parent volunteers. There are some absolutely fantastic parent volunteers out there. And then there is that one who does such a crappy job, no one ever wants the role ever again.

Now, for any of you minions out there – VOLUNTEER!!

i-volunteer

Seriously, you really do end up with the same suckers parents at every damn event. And when you are dragging your sorry butt to every damn event, you need something to break up the monotony.

Somehow or another, I ended up swapping with EG Dad and doing his volunteer shift on the sprints track at our Nippers Carnival last weekend. That’s okay – he was stuck with the spawnlings. 😀

For those who like their Sunday sleep-ins: I hate you.

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Nippers are junior surf lifesavers. Their weekends are split between training sessions (learning about water safety and life-saving techniques) and carnivals (competitions with events that incorporate some of these skills).

When you volunteer as a judge or official (or whatever the hell I was)  for an event like the sprints, it normally means standing out in the sun for an hour counting the ‘placings’ in each event and then standing in the lane of whichever placing you are responsible. I was responsible for 6th. They clearly knew my experience with running.

Now, carnivals can be a little competitive at times. However, there is nothing more embarrassing than watching some parent on the side calling out some sweet little supportive comment prior to the start… And suddenly turn into a teeth-gnashing banshee screaming “FASTER!! FASTER!! LIFT YOUR GODDAMN LEGS!!” as soon as the starting gun is fired.

Of course, it is then this same parent who walks over to pick a fight because their little ‘miracle’ couldn’t possibly have placed 6th. They were clearly 3rd.

Not even close.

This week’s EG Parent Award goes to my fellow volunteer who was responsible for 2nd placing.

Who, at the end of the race, casually asked me which one I thought placed 6th. And then casually stood in that lane while nudging me over to the one he thought placed 2nd.

And then grinned when the same woman lost her head over where we were standing.

Of course, he apologised profusely to her for making such a simple little error. Of course, he had seen her ‘miracle’ place 2nd and he must have just been distracted by the sun for a minute.

Troll Level: Master. +50

When some of the other scheduled volunteers didn’t show up, this guy made the additional hour of hell a lot more bearable. We repeated this stunt every time we saw parents acting like idiots on the sidelines.

Sad to say, it was more often than even I liked.

Absolute kudos to the spawnlings – none of them minded. A couple even picked up on the joke and had a snicker at their parents expense. Every single one of them was a pure sportsman on the day and I was truly impressed.

And to the EG Parent – thank you. Thank you for volunteering, when so many don’t. And thanks for making it fun for us other parents.

I’m even considering volunteering again for the next carnival.

Evil Genius Parent Award #39

Our spawnlings, Sinister (7) and Nefarious (4) are still a little young for Alien.

Pity.

Because we’re in the final month of #3’s tenancy and I’m feeling more and more like this:

Now, being an Evil Genius is hard work. Some may consider it easier when you look like you have already swallowed a small planet and thus appear capable of swallowing more.

However, it is harder to take over the world when it takes 7 minutes just to roll out of bed, let alone the additional time to chase the existing spawnlings to retrieve my glasses.

Then there are the hormonal swings, the weird cravings, and the constant nagging from minions about whether they should buy blue or pink sheets.

star sheetsStormaggedon is NOT sleeping in blue or pink sheets – he or she will be sleeping in black sheets, with star charts showing all the planets they will be expected to conquer by the time they are 12.

With all this going on, it’s no wonder that EG Dad (and the spawnlings) could do with some tips on how to manage their leader.

Natania Barron over at Wired had previously come up with a few ideas (5 to be exact) on what you can do for the pregnant geek. Not quite world conquering stuff, but it will help any EG Mum-to-be feel like they are getting back on track. Good work, Natania!

My favourite is #1 with the suggestion of the book Do Chocolate Lovers have Sweeter Babies? OF COURSE THEY DO! Personally I think it is the Dark Chocolate (with a touch of mint) that adds the EG to the spawnling, but at least this book provides the geeky reasons for doing so. I’ve already uploaded it to the iPad for reading.

The best tip I have for dealing with your EG Mum-to-be? Give her whatever she wants.

Have any other tips for managing the expectant EG Mum?

Last month of the pregnancy and I may or may not write less here. There are a lot of preps I have to do to ensure the spawnlings continuing their training in world domination while I manage the upcoming birth. DVDs to set up, food to freeze, science experiments to prepare. You can all relax – EG Inc might have to settle for just a country or two in the meantime, rather than the whole world.

Evil Genius Parent Award #38

I’ve been holding on to this one for a few days – shared diligently by aspiring EG Parent Dallas F.

See, the thing about parenting is everyone has an opinion. From the moment you mention you have spawned, everyone believes they have the best advice to give you. Of course, they know best so you HAVE to listen to them. Even the interwebs gets in on the action – look at what you are reading right now. Sucker.

The beauty of being an Evil Genius Parent is the only thing you care about is staying one step ahead of the spawnling. Anything more is eating in to your world domination time. For example, you don’t need to know everything about Astronomy and Space exploration – just know enough to answer each question as it comes (Star Trek is REALLY useful for this!!) – this will mean having a moderate idea of where your spawnling sits on the spectrum.

The Daddy Complex

And now this parenting style has been given a name, thanks to The Daddy Complex: CTFD.

David has summed up a brilliant approach to remind us all to chill out. Some things about parenting can and should be fun. Being an Evil Genius doesn’t mean your spawnling needs to know everything before any other minion on the block. Nor do you need to sign them up to every extra-curricular activity known to mankind.

Since starting this blog, I’ve come across some parents who think I am pushing my kids to be something their not. Au contraire, my un-imaginative minions – Most of my parenting is pretty low key, child-led, and fits into my own brilliant geek-interests. I’m pretty lazy – in case you hadn’t noticed. And that’s why I like the CTFD principle.

So do you think I might experience any issues if I start yelling this to parents at the park?

Evil Genius Parent Award #37

You have to admire a parent who feels comfortable enough in their parenting to allow their minions write the blog entry this week. I just don’t think the world is ready yet for Sinister and Nefarious to publish just yet. Half the time, I don’t think I’m ready for their thoughts. And I’m supposed to be a step ahead of them… in theory…

Part of being an evil genius parent is ensuring you are passing on the essential life skills your minion will need to conquer the world (or at least their immediate space).

This can be any number of skills. Building a fort; identifying poisonous frogs; learning how to swim faster than your friends (essential during shark season -you know the adage: you don’t have to swim faster than a shark…)

However, there is a special skill in recognising the life lessons within pop-culture references – not just to sound cool at parties (thought, that will be a given), but to also build their resilience through any life lesson.

Take Wonder Woman, for example. Now, to be honest – I am a Marvel girl. I have a healthy respect and understanding of the Wonder Woman canon. But nowhere near the depth offered by this minion over at GeekMom. A minion who has been offered the opportunity by her mum to publish her views as to why WW needs her own movie. And this was just one of the reviews/opinions shared by the minions!!

These minions know their stuff. They discuss Doctor Who and Animal Crossing as well. Not just in your usual “product review” method either (which has been seriously boring me to tears the last month or so – I understand wanting to make a dollar from blogging, but some of you minions have misplaced your integrity along the way…)

No, these minions actually incorporate a little human behaviour analysis as well. And that is an essential life skill for any EG spawnling.

So kudos to Geek Mom. In fact, have a nosy around the whole website – they have some pretty cool updates in general over there, and often share insights on how to keep your spawnlings just geeky enough to be interesting.

Do it now: Geek Mom

Evil Genius Parent Award #35

The weather is crappy. Really really crappy.

It’s cold, wet, and there’s only so much you can do in the confines of the Evil Genius Lair.

BRING OUT THE BOARD GAMES!!

EG History lesson – EG Dad and I are not known for our friendly, jovial, nature during board games. In fact, I remember quite clearly during our 1st year of ‘dating’, we had a board games at our share house with the many other friends. The game was Pictionary. We were a team. And then our competitive natures reared their ugly heads with each other.

treasure chest

And this is still a better treasure chest drawing than I ever remember doing…

I think the picture in question was a treasure chest. It may or may not have been my own artwork.

Nevertheless, we were BANNED from ever playing Pictionary again. And many friends thought twice about inviting us to Games Night again – except for the fact that I can cook, and EG Dad has excellent taste in wine and beer.

(NB: We eventually truced, and I even bought him Pictionary for a gift one year. Yes we have played, and yes we have survived. We have finally learnt to concentrate our competitive nature at other people!)

To be honest, there was one game where success has always escaped me: Monopoly.

Who MonopolyI have played it for years with my family, and recently was given Doctor Who Monopoly – which is, of course, the most popular board game in the house (closely followed by LEGO Creationary). Not only does EG Dad hand me my arse on a monopoly board quite often – even Sinister is getting in on the action. 

But now I have a secret weapon!! SUCCESS WILL BE MINE!! And I have Walter Hickey, at the Business Insider,  to thank for it.

Walter Hickey
EGP Award #35

This week’s EG Parent Award goes to Walt, and I’m sure there are EG Parents all around the world who will appreciate the genius of this advice, helping us all stay one step ahead of the evil spawnlings.

He has provided a simple process to dominate at Monopoly using mathematics. Brilliant!

Head over to Business Insider and check out his PowerPoint on the topic. Yes, PowerPoint. Doesn’t get any more evil than that.

Who Monopoly Purple

Pass the purple
Aim for the Orange

And next time Sinister and Nefarious want to play Doctor Who Monopoly, I’ll be ready for them.

Mwahahahahahahaha!!