EG Parent Award #65

I am in a fair amount of pain, with a suspected broken wrist (scaphoid fracture). 

  
Right now, I have a lot of empathy for any parent who is suffering. Broken bones, gastro bouts, head lice… 

But nothing beats Children Live Action Shows.

They are loud. They are bright. They are full of spawnlings. 

If you bought the tickets yourself, then you deserve the torture. 

However some EG Grandparents are wily and take karmic parenting retribution in to their own hands.

I know – I was threatened with Wiggle tickets a few years back. I was extremely grateful when gastro saved EG Inc from that disaster.

If you can’t avoid it, at least we now have a Survival Guide, thanks to EG Parent Award recipient, Karen.

Full of coping mechanisms and impact reduction methods, Karen’s advice will improve your chances of making it out alive. 
And if all else fails, at least you’ll have a good idea of what lies ahead. 

  

EG Award – ‘Straya Day Specal

G’day Australia.

‘Straya Day tomorrow. You have the day off. It’s Summer. And at least some of the country will have nice weather (it’s a big country; anything is possible).

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Nice time to stop and think about what makes you an Aussie.

Of course, Deadpool is already in on the action. That social-media slut.

He’s just jealous because Wolverine didn’t invite him to the last ‘Straya Day party.

Have you been to a ‘Straya Day Party? No two parties are ever the same.

It could be a party with a dinghy in the pool, filled with ice and beer, while your mates wrestle the inflatable croc ‘Steve Irwin-style’ for bonus points. Loser takes a swig from the Goon of Fortune.

It could be tea and lamingtons for morning tea, after supporting your new Aussie friends at the citizenship ceremony.

It could be a chilled arvo in the backyard with cricket, listening to Triple J’s Hottest 100 countdown.

It could even be a few quiet drinks on the veranda, munching away on Fairy Bread and Pavlova while waiting for the humidity to break into a proper storm.

Okay, maybe not the Pav – Australia and New Zealand still haven’t resolved ownership on that one. But the Fairy Bread – totally Aussie.

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In fact, I recently educated some US minions on the beauty of Fairy Bread.

Fresh white bread – no wholemeal. That’s just disgusting.

A smooth even spread of butter. Some people accept margarine. Heathens

A generous sprinkle of 100s and 1000s. Coloured tiny balls of sugar – some people call them sprinkles but don’t you dare settle for anything other than 100s and 1000s. It doesn’t look right. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t taste right.

And if I find out you messed with any of the above, I will send out the Drop Bears and banish you to the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Now, being Monday, I really should be sharing an Evil Genius Parent Award. But being ‘Straya Day and all, I’m thinking of sharing an Evil Genius Australian Award. Just this once. Because I can.

This special one-off award goes to James Ross-Munro and Kane Wiblen. They disrupted an attempted robbery by stealing the keys to the getaway car before chasing the suspects from the scene.

All in stubbies (shorts) and thongs (AKA flip flops, not those … other… things…). And quite drunk.

Because… ‘Straya.

EG Parent Award #64

We all have that one story… 

Okay, I have at least a dozen.

The “I had a great idea from the interwebs and totally nailed it!” story.

  
What is that?!? Oh, that was just my attempt at a Charmander cake for Nefarious – and of course I ran out of icing while doing this. At 11pm. See – nailed the cake AND parenting with birthday cake preparation.

This week’s EG Parent Award DID NAIL IT! Probably as much a surprise to himself as the rest of us. Especially if you have read his previous ‘handyman’ posts.

  
Bruce at Big Family Little Income has done it again. Yeah, we have a thing going on (blog-speaking of course) but the man has outdone himself this time.

  
He even shared instructions on his page – including a warning of exactly how many beers it will take to remove the Little Tikes stickers.

The heartbreaking part is we live too far away to steal this from him. Zaltu thinks it’s purrfect. 

Oh well. To the Garage!!

EG Parent Award #63

You know how I feel about the Elf on the Shelfelf 01

I don’t think some parents realise the ‘dark forces’ they are messing with. But hey – if they are happy to share the entertainment with us (albeit for different reasons), then who am I to complain?

Gives me a whole lot more material to work with here at EG Inc.

But then there is one parent (or in special cases, two). They get it. They recognise the potential and they RUN WITH IT!!

Introducing the Wynbergs!

 

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Photo by Megan Wynberg / Facebook

Here are two parents who have decided that if the spawnlings are going to hassle them forever about the Damn Elf on the Shelf, then they were going to have fun with it too.

I love this for two separate reasons, and it works as a tool of Evil Genius Parenting for either of these reasons:

  1. The kids are going to be completely spooked by this life-size effort and will freak out, turning off Elf on the Shelf for the rest of their lives. Fun for all. OR
  2. The kids will go absolutely APE over this, love it SOOOOOOOO much – and no pissy little ordinary Elf on the Shelf will EVER be able to compete with the awesomeness here. THIS is my favourite and preferred reason.

I’m really hoping the spawnlings are as awesome as the parents, and completely appreciate the brilliance behind this. Fairly good chance of that being so.

You can see all the shenanigans of FLE the Elf on Megan Wynberg’s Facebook page. And they are plastered all over the social media too.

C’mon minions. They have raised the bar. What are YOU doing for your own season celebrations?

 

EG Parent Award #62

Ugh.

I have just had the week from Tartarus. And all because of being a volunteer parent for multiple spawnlings’ extra-curricular activities.

Parent volunteers. There are some absolutely fantastic parent volunteers out there. And then there is that one who does such a crappy job, no one ever wants the role ever again.

Now, for any of you minions out there – VOLUNTEER!!

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Seriously, you really do end up with the same suckers parents at every damn event. And when you are dragging your sorry butt to every damn event, you need something to break up the monotony.

Somehow or another, I ended up swapping with EG Dad and doing his volunteer shift on the sprints track at our Nippers Carnival last weekend. That’s okay – he was stuck with the spawnlings. 😀

For those who like their Sunday sleep-ins: I hate you.

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Nippers are junior surf lifesavers. Their weekends are split between training sessions (learning about water safety and life-saving techniques) and carnivals (competitions with events that incorporate some of these skills).

When you volunteer as a judge or official (or whatever the hell I was)  for an event like the sprints, it normally means standing out in the sun for an hour counting the ‘placings’ in each event and then standing in the lane of whichever placing you are responsible. I was responsible for 6th. They clearly knew my experience with running.

Now, carnivals can be a little competitive at times. However, there is nothing more embarrassing than watching some parent on the side calling out some sweet little supportive comment prior to the start… And suddenly turn into a teeth-gnashing banshee screaming “FASTER!! FASTER!! LIFT YOUR GODDAMN LEGS!!” as soon as the starting gun is fired.

Of course, it is then this same parent who walks over to pick a fight because their little ‘miracle’ couldn’t possibly have placed 6th. They were clearly 3rd.

Not even close.

This week’s EG Parent Award goes to my fellow volunteer who was responsible for 2nd placing.

Who, at the end of the race, casually asked me which one I thought placed 6th. And then casually stood in that lane while nudging me over to the one he thought placed 2nd.

And then grinned when the same woman lost her head over where we were standing.

Of course, he apologised profusely to her for making such a simple little error. Of course, he had seen her ‘miracle’ place 2nd and he must have just been distracted by the sun for a minute.

Troll Level: Master. +50

When some of the other scheduled volunteers didn’t show up, this guy made the additional hour of hell a lot more bearable. We repeated this stunt every time we saw parents acting like idiots on the sidelines.

Sad to say, it was more often than even I liked.

Absolute kudos to the spawnlings – none of them minded. A couple even picked up on the joke and had a snicker at their parents expense. Every single one of them was a pure sportsman on the day and I was truly impressed.

And to the EG Parent – thank you. Thank you for volunteering, when so many don’t. And thanks for making it fun for us other parents.

I’m even considering volunteering again for the next carnival.

EG Parent Award #61

You are probably already aware of this one, and I’ll be honest – I really should have posted it last week. But to use a new catchphrase I am madly loving right now:

Image courtesy of Dad and Buried

Image courtesy of Dad and Buried

You really should check out Dad and Buried (Facebook). His blog is equally as funny. Although he is not the EG Parent Award recipient this week, he has been pretty darn close. It’s only a matter of time…

Anywho, the actual recipient this week is… Jonathan L (GeekDad) with his absolutely adorable 2yo.

It is not enough that she refers to the Protocol Droid as “Creepio”, but she has the sweetest little voice for the Imperial March. Well done, Dad!!

That kid is going to have a musical future. Mark my words.