I have ‘run this gauntlet’ twice before. It too shall pass, but that doesn’t make it any more bearable.
Order! All rise!
Parenting Court is now in session!! Presiding Judge is Her Honour, Judge Judgey McJudge (of the renowned Bee-yatch clan).
You may now be seated.
I am typing this from the front seat of my
Harley Quinn truck family car.
And since Zaltu is teething, walking, talking, climbing, and reverse engineering the polarity flow of her own TARDIS, we don’t have enough of THIS. So I made myself comfy with my smartphone, bottle of water and chocolate bar – and let her sleep.
I thought this was the logical and responsible thing to do.
After 10 minutes, I was approached by a lady in her 50s, asking if we were okay. I explained the sleep-situation. At this point the woman suggested I duck in, and leave my sleeping baby in the car – “she won’t even notice, if you are quick.
I very politely said no thankyou as I wouldn’t consider that safe (let alone legal).
So she said: “Well, I could look after her while you duck in.”
Again, I very politely thanked her for her good intentions but said I prefer not to leave my spawnlings with random strangers found in carparks (okay, even more polite than that). I was quite happy sitting undercover on a cool winter day, waiting with my sleeping babe. I was in no rush to wake her.
Apparently this is crazy because Mother Teresa walked away muttering about me.
Fairy nuff. Random occurrence. Might tweet about it.
10 minutes later, I kid you not – elderly gentlemen approaches me and we have the exact same conversation.
And once again, it ends with him muttering about my crazy.
And guess what happens 15 minutes after that?
You bet your local children affairs office! I’m approached again – by a mum with 2 kids.
Who tells me she has left her kids in the car at times to do the shopping.
Whoa-ho-ho. Just back that truck up for a minute. Now, Judgey McJudge comes out to play. And all the stupid runs away.
I don’t know how much you’ve been following in the news (besides Gaza, Ukraine, MH17, and Ebola), but there have been quite a few cases of children left in cars, both intentionally and accidentally.
Some kids have died. Some have been saved by a passing stranger. None have died with Mum FB’ing in the front seat.
And the stats are yet to return on how many were from “good intention” advice from well-meaning carpark
Screw the freaks. If you want your spawnlings to take over the world DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE IN THE CAR. Wake them or stay with them. But do not leave them. Just think of all the hardwork you have invested in them already.
You know my choice.
Hey World Leaders! Want to know how to defeat an Evil Genius?
Give them a baby.
No. Not defeated. But damn it’s hard to write a blog post about world domination when you’re seriously considering how to steal a hyperdrive to get off the planet.
I don’t know how some EG Parents do it. Between Nefarious laying out the LEGO minefield; Sinister’s Chainmail of
Doom Loom; and Zaltu being … Well, a baby – my lair is more messy than ominous!
And now we have The Tooth. I have no scientific proof that teething is a genuine symptom producing torture chamber of baby experiences. But damned if I’m going to be a teething toy!
The drool – oh the drool!! The Lair flooded last week, but that’s nothing compared to the drool!
The gnawing – and EG Dad, don’t even think about touching my nipples. They’re two steps away from turning into Fembot Tommy Guns!
And of course broken sleep. If I have to choose between sleep and world domination, then I …
What teething symptoms do you think could be used as torture methods?
Only the brave sleep in our Evil Lair.
And with YOUNG spawnlings, we don’t usually sleep well.
APPARENTLY – I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon. Whilst breastfeeding Zaltu.
I say apparently, because I was only made aware of it when the spawnlings woke me.
So, apparently, I fell asleep not long after Sinister came home from school. Just long enough for me to direct him to the fridge for his afternoon tea and start feeding Zaltu.
Not long enough to stay awake.
It’s a very VERY comfy couch. And I strongly suspect that Zaltu is going through a growth spurt because she is feeding a lot, all the time.
Oh man, I HOPE this is a growth spurt and not her new routine to cope for the other two returning to school…
The good news is that Zaltu slept the whole time, on my lap. The spawnlings fed themselves from the fridge (and left me the dodgy junk food – nice). They entertained themselves. And they let me sleep. How sweet is that!
The bad news – they didn’t once take advantage of the situation. No hands in bowls of water. No raiding the chocolate. Not even a single mustache hair drawn on my face.
Obviously, returning to mainstream school is a bad influence on them. What kind of spawnlings am I raising here?!?
Have you ever fallen asleep with the spawnlings roaming free in the house? Did your lair survive the onslaught?
I’ll be honest with you – we don’t celebrate Easter, per se.
For Evil Genius Inc, it’s a 4-day long Festival of Chocolate. A long weekend of sleep and chocolate.
The only thing we truly consider worthy of celebrating is the honorary sleep-in that EG Dad and I score on Sunday morning – thanks to some prior planning on our side.
Sinister and Nefarious have a pretty good understanding of the various festivals at this time of year. They know about seasonal festivities, about ‘breeding like rabbits’ (thanks to some dumb neighbour releasing their ‘pets’ into the neighbourhood), and they understand that chocolate puts EG Mum in a better mood, which puts EG Dad in a better mood (however, the co-relation is not directly understood … as yet).
But the only thing that 6yo Sinister and 3yo Nefarious truly care about at this age is – The Easter Egg Hunt.
So this is the plan for our Saturday night and Sunday morning:
These are the eggs the spawnlings ‘happened to see’ around the house:
This is the area we have for hiding eggs:
And THESE are the eggs that will be hidden in the area on Saturday night:
Guaranteed extra 30mins to 1 hour sleep in on Sunday morning.
If you REALLY can’t sleep in during this time, or if your existence sucks enough that you HAVE to wake up early on Sunday morning to hide the eggs, this will at least guarantee you the peaceful enjoyment of your cuppa tea/coffee. Maybe even two.
Go check the stash. Look for green Easter Eggs, or green wrapping paper.
Have none? Saturday should still have shops open to buy some supplies.
Trust me – the tranquility with that cuppa is so worth it. Just make sure you remember where you hid them.
Thank me when I take over the world. Easter Egg Hunts like this will be compulsory.
Have a better example of Evil Genius Parenting? Share it here or on the Facebook page by Sunday night and I’ll consider it for and EG Parent Award.