Round 5: Sinister v EG Mum

Well, that was something I hadn’t planned on for my holidays.

Giving the trumpet a bath.

No. That’s not a euphonium, or a euphemism.

Let’s just take a step back first.

If you are new to the blog, you may not know my parenting style or life purpose. In summation, I am sharing all the life skills for my spawnlings to take over the world. 

Not just the standard things: reading; writingrisk-taking

I’m talking about achieving personal goals. And understanding people. Often combining the two.

So when Sinister told me he wanted to clean his trumpet, I considered this part of ‘achieving personal goals’. School goes back this week and I admire his desire to be organised for it.

And yes – I knew he would ask for help. Some life lessons do require active guidance.

But giving a trumpet a bath? I’m talking genuinely putting the plug in the bath, running luke-warm water, disassembling the trumpet (THAT was his job), and then submersing the instrument.

And just for a snide extra, Sinister whispered over my shoulder, “how’s that, Sonic? Did she get the temp right for you?”

I had the distinct feeling of being played. And not with a sweet melody.

Despite all my intention to conquer the world, and train the spawnlings to inherit it (when I’m ready), I’m also lazy.

So, if I have been convinced to join in the ‘bathing of the trumpet’… You have to admire his understanding of people. 

I just hope he understands next time his trumpet needs a bath, I’m taking it to a professional with HIS pocket money.

Now, does anyone know how to clean a glockenspiel?

EG Award – ‘Straya Day Specal

G’day Australia.

‘Straya Day tomorrow. You have the day off. It’s Summer. And at least some of the country will have nice weather (it’s a big country; anything is possible).


Nice time to stop and think about what makes you an Aussie.

Of course, Deadpool is already in on the action. That social-media slut.

He’s just jealous because Wolverine didn’t invite him to the last ‘Straya Day party.

Have you been to a ‘Straya Day Party? No two parties are ever the same.

It could be a party with a dinghy in the pool, filled with ice and beer, while your mates wrestle the inflatable croc ‘Steve Irwin-style’ for bonus points. Loser takes a swig from the Goon of Fortune.

It could be tea and lamingtons for morning tea, after supporting your new Aussie friends at the citizenship ceremony.

It could be a chilled arvo in the backyard with cricket, listening to Triple J’s Hottest 100 countdown.

It could even be a few quiet drinks on the veranda, munching away on Fairy Bread and Pavlova while waiting for the humidity to break into a proper storm.

Okay, maybe not the Pav – Australia and New Zealand still haven’t resolved ownership on that one. But the Fairy Bread – totally Aussie.

Fairy Bread.jpg

In fact, I recently educated some US minions on the beauty of Fairy Bread.

Fresh white bread – no wholemeal. That’s just disgusting.

A smooth even spread of butter. Some people accept margarine. Heathens

A generous sprinkle of 100s and 1000s. Coloured tiny balls of sugar – some people call them sprinkles but don’t you dare settle for anything other than 100s and 1000s. It doesn’t look right. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t taste right.

And if I find out you messed with any of the above, I will send out the Drop Bears and banish you to the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Now, being Monday, I really should be sharing an Evil Genius Parent Award. But being ‘Straya Day and all, I’m thinking of sharing an Evil Genius Australian Award. Just this once. Because I can.

This special one-off award goes to James Ross-Munro and Kane Wiblen. They disrupted an attempted robbery by stealing the keys to the getaway car before chasing the suspects from the scene.

All in stubbies (shorts) and thongs (AKA flip flops, not those … other… things…). And quite drunk.

Because… ‘Straya.

Back To School Shopping (AKA Hell)

I survived the Back To School Shop.

That should be emblazoned on a tshirt and worn with pride. 

With a bloody medal. Bloody because my wounds are still fresh.

And you should see the other guy.

Right now, we are T-minus one week to school starting. To be frank, we haven’t been counting down the days here – except for the shopping days.

Because I hate shopping. On any day of the year.

I especially hate shopping when everyone else is shopping.

And then there is the shopping for spawnlings.

It’s pretty bad when EG Dad offers to do it for me on the weekend. Which wouldn’t be a bad idea, except he hasn’t done anything recently to upset me THAT MUCH. I would like a clear conscience before sending my partner-in-crime to his inevitable Saturday morning doom.

You know the frustration of shopping for kids birthdays?

For six weeks before their birthday: This is the only thing I want.

Day before their birthday: This is lame. I want that!

Now apply this to school shopping.

You. The 6yo spawnling. Yeah, you. Choose one pencil case; just one

And that pencil case will last you the whole school year.

Day before school starts: I do not care how much you hate bones, I am not buying you another pencil case.

Why? Because I’m done. I have your shoes. I have your special 100k+ headers dictionary. I have your colouring pencils individually labeled. And there is absolutely nothing to make me return to the torture chamber more commonly known as ‘The Shops’.

Today’s weather: a balmy 35 degrees (Celsius) with 90% humidity and a chance of a severe storm anytime in the next 24hrs. Great weather for indoor playgrounds!

Hold off on the world domination. Mumma’s gonna need some recovery time.


EG Parent Award #64

We all have that one story… 

Okay, I have at least a dozen.

The “I had a great idea from the interwebs and totally nailed it!” story.

What is that?!? Oh, that was just my attempt at a Charmander cake for Nefarious – and of course I ran out of icing while doing this. At 11pm. See – nailed the cake AND parenting with birthday cake preparation.

This week’s EG Parent Award DID NAIL IT! Probably as much a surprise to himself as the rest of us. Especially if you have read his previous ‘handyman’ posts.

Bruce at Big Family Little Income has done it again. Yeah, we have a thing going on (blog-speaking of course) but the man has outdone himself this time.

He even shared instructions on his page – including a warning of exactly how many beers it will take to remove the Little Tikes stickers.

The heartbreaking part is we live too far away to steal this from him. Zaltu thinks it’s purrfect. 

Oh well. To the Garage!!