I Want A … Scorpion Chair

It is important to decorate your Evil Genius Lair with both style and functionality.

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When I do my “world domination” thinking, I need to be comfortable. My body needs to be nestled, supported, comforted; otherwise my mind will be too distracted to predict the spawnlings’ next move.

But at the same time, my chair needs to look the part. I need to visualise the depth of destruction I can rain upon mere minions. I need to feel the dark power coursing up my spine and feeding my thoughts of tyranny and dictatorship.

While many may think this is the chair for such moments in history, sadly it is not:

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Alas, my torso is rather compact, compared with ever-reaching lengths I can attain to prevent my spawnlings from … Well, anything. In fact, the back of this is very straight and inclined to push me forward in any dictatorial meetings.

No, I want this:

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Look at the smooth lines, curving with the natural flow of your body. See the menacing power draw upon the imagery to extend above the person resting there. Feel the awe and fear you could exert from this chair.

Yes. This is my new throne. Make it so.

Delivery acceptable Monday to Thursday, 10am to 2pm.

I Want a … Skully helmet

I consider myself the last remaining sane person in the family of crazies. And knowing my family – that’s a scary scary thought.

I do not have and do not want a motorbike licence.

EG Dad has one (Virago).
EG Grandad has one (a Harley, of course).
EG Grandma has one (Virago).
Both my brothers have licences.
My grandfather – yes.
My aunt and two uncles – you bet.

Even my best friend, EG Aunty Em, is going for her licence – not a great idea if you’ve ever been a passenger in her car.

Me – no thanks. I like my cars thankyou.

But then I saw this Light Mode Motorcycle Helmet:

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It so purdy… I could be like TRON. Vrmmm! Vvvrrrrrmmmm!!!

But I don’t have a motorbike and it would kind of be pointless.

And then … Loyal Minion Jake shared this beauty:

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It’s a Skully Helmet – connects to your phone and GPS; has rear camera; and brings everything up on the screen in front. With other benefits, it’s pretty much a Smart Helmet and very sexy.

And I don’t even need a motorbike to reap the benefits.

I could finally check my FB updates without a Spawnling reading over my shoulder.

I would literally have eyes in the back of my head.

I would be protected from Zaltu’s lunch, Sinister’s science experiments, and Nefarious’ sporting attempts.

But most of all …

I could be THE ROCKETEER!!

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I think I have an obsession.

Not a problem. 😀

I Want… My C64 Back

Do you want to know my ultimate weakness?

Well, no. Chocolate is more of a dietary requirement.

I’m talking LEGO games. Primarily Travellers Tales on the Wii/Wii U console.

I have them all – Batman (1&2); Indie; Marvel, and so forth…

All except Star Wars.
Because that sucked.
Hard.

I might be convinced with Clone Wars… But I digress.

However The Hobbit is the first one that has me feeling nostalgic.

See, my first computer game experience was The Hobbit for the Commodore 64.
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It was done in the typical role-playing style of the 80s, with limited script choices to direct your character through chief scenes of the book.

It even used graphics based on the original illustrations, though 2D and restricted to the standard 9-colour pallette. I distinctly remember “Go East” from my hobbit house and always ending up here:

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So you might change direction. And end up on the cliffs with the Stone Giants. Try changing direction again, and your back to troll dinner again.

God damn, I hated that.

Of course, try explaining that game to anyone now. For starters, my copy of the game was on cassette.

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And even if it had been on floppy disk, the only disc the spawnlings understand is in this case:

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But the new graphics are truly magical. Even in LEGO format (which I confess, I find even more enticing), the fluidity of the Stone Giants Battle is mesmerising. Every detail is considered; even the LEGO studs on the arms and legs. Just beautiful.

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Of course, it is just a marketing ploy. All the time you’re playing the game, you’re constantly thinking of the sets in the stores.

But it has me reminiscing, of a life more BASIC, and games less buggy. Where a weekend programming your own hangman made you more appreciative of the game-gods who knew how to turn a corner.

*sigh* I want my C64 back.

What was your first gaming platform? And would you ever go back?

I Want … A Kid-Size Ecto 1

Harold Ramis has died, and I suddenly have craving for Ghostbusters.

Fortunately, we have it on DVD – as any good family should. Methinks movie night this Saturday.

But a movie night for the spawnlings doesn’t seem to be enough to honour the comedic genius of Mr Ramis.

What other options are available? Teach the spawnlings parade call “Boom Chuga Luga Luga”? Rename Zaltu to “Zuul”? Or perhaps simply teach them how to play golf?

Instead, I found THIS</

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It seems fitting to see the “reconditioned hearse” transformed for the next generation.

I want. I very much want.

I want… The Orb

This puts a whole new spin on the “One Ring to Rule Them All”

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Big kudos to IFLS for the initial share of this beautiful piece of work. You may have seen it already but do you know the details?

The prototype of this ring was originally released in 2010. It is a Bluetooth ring with a scrolling display, built in microphone, and simply twists between ring and earpiece. Apparently it is also noise-cancelling and water-proof.

It pisses all over EG Dad’s Pebble watch.

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And it is not yet available. But I want one!

It seems like the company Hybratech has gone awfully quiet over the last 3 years, with no further word on development or release dates. In fact, I can’t even connect to their website anymore! Pity – It is a beautiful piece of technology and would be a very sexy item for the EG Mum Collection.

However, I tend to agree with some critics who believe the company have hit a funding snag. Maybe they need to check out Kickstarter as well.

Could you imagine how awesome this ring would be?!?

Imagine the ease with which I could ignore answer phone calls! How quickly I can check messages from minions around the world. How sexy it looks as a ring on my hand, and then I simply twist to make my ransom calls to World Leaders everywhere!

Oh the beauty!

But alas – not available as yet. And EG Dad has imposed a rule of one project at a time (which I’ve already broken  4 times this week). So we’ll just have to wait.

And tolerate EG Dad bragging about his Pebble. Again.

I Want A … Car That Runs on Compressed Air

Yeah, not exactly screaming evil is it.

Oooohh!! Look out!! Here comes the Environmentally Friendly EG Mobile!!”

But imagine the money I could save with this – money to go towards bigger, better, more evil toys!! YES!!

Anywho, I don’t care. This is cool.

MDI Enterprises have developed a car that runs on compressed air. Check out the promotional vid found on GeekMom:

Pretty sweet, right?

Of course, they claim that it will cost you nothing and is 100% environmentally friendly. Not completely true.

You still need some sort of power source to compress the air in the first place. Even if they do work out a way to compress air while you drive, there will still be some small element of energy lost in the process of doing so. Thus, you will still need a top up at some point.

Secondly, I am curious about the safety measures they have taken for insulating the engine bay from sudden decompression and punctures/leaks. Might be a tad expensive replacing the front half of the car each time you accidently rear-end someone, causing the car to go boom (not that I do that – I’m an awesome driver, of course). Probably still safer than the LPG stuff, but I’m curious nevertheless.

Finally, I’d like to see how efficient it remains when applied to a bigger scale – like a 6-seater. EG Inc is growing, y’know!

All in all, pretty darn cool. And cheaper to run than some gas-guzzlers out there. Which gives me more money for the defence system I need to put in place around my left-over Festival of Chocolate supply.

 

What do you think? Is this a viable option for the future? Would you be willing to drive it?