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Evil Genius Parent Award #13

elf 01.jpg


On the Shelf.

You think I’m about to Dis the Elf. Nah.

I am about to revel in its beautiful evilness. It is an amazing tool to encourage Evil Genius Parenting.

You know you’re onto a good thing when you can find more bitchiness about an inanimate object than praise and cheer-leaders.

For those who don’t know (I’m guessing you haven’t been sucked into Pinterest yet, or you have an awesome filter on FB), Elf on a Shelf is an elf figurine that comes with a story. Don’t we all?

This Elf is sent by “Santa” to watch over your kids and encourage good behaviour. Yep, this Elf will spy on your kids, report to Santa, and then turn up somewhere different in your house to ‘prove’ that he reported back.

Of course, some parents go further (sick fools), and create ‘scenarios’ where the Elf has been up to mischief. We’re talking ‘marshmallow fights’ in the kitchen, drinking from the toilet, humping Barbie, etc.

There are plenty of parents who are absolutely convinced it is the sole reason why Johnny and Sarah are so well-behaved now.

Oh, for fox sake!! REALLY?!? They have NO IDEA of the evil genius being encouraged here!! These parents are crafting the next generation of Evil Genius, and they aren’t even aware of it!

That’s right – this Elf is now encouraging the following behavioural traits:

  • Spying in the house – kind of obvious, especially if you walk around singing “He sees you when you’re sleeping”. But now you have to watch out for the kids spying on you…
  • Innocent because you’re cute – I actually disagree with this, because I think the Elf is KA-REEPY, but there are some awesome shenanigans been documented here. And apparently the Elf gets away with it because he is ‘adorable’. Watch this come back and bite you in the arse.
  • Criminal intelligence – sure, the crime scene is there, but no-one was caught in the act. ‘Apparently’ it happened when everyone was asleep, so there are no witnesses. Kids – you can get away with anything, so long as no-one sees you.
  • Extortion – I love this one, because if you learn this at a young age, it will set you up for life. That Elf is collecting private information, and threatening to release said information unless you meet his demands. Now, parents – remember what I said about Spying… Your kids are going to double-up with this lesson.
  • Lying – The Piece de Resistance. This is the keystone to Christmas, and of course, it is encouraged under the big, red, bow of “Spirit”. But can you really  tell when your kids no longer believe in the magic…  Or are they just playing you to get more and more – for the sake of “the magic”? Of course Sarah is going to behave, if you have agreed to Santa giving her an iPhone 5. Because she was SOOOOO heartbroken that last year Santa misread her letter and only gave her an iPod shuffle.

So, for each of you sweet, smiling parents out there, ‘playing’ with the Elf on the Shelf – Thank you. The sweetest Spirit of Christmas that you are inspiring right now is the Spirit of Evil Genius Parenting.

Do you have an Elf on the Shelf? Does he get up to any shenanigans during the night? Share them in the comments – we always love to hear about EG Parenting techniques put in to practice!!

Categories: Evil Genius Parent Award

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Evil Genius Mum

Evil Genius Mum
- Taking over the world, one blog post at a time

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