If I see one more rose chocolate or pink sugar candy, I’m going to hit somebody with the closest book to hand. And I know many would love to see that.

However, saying that – Valentine’s Day is another example of evil genius.

Mix together the power of loneliness, the guilt of comparative romanticism, and the susceptibility to marketing madness, and you end up with a diabetic coma that protects you from the credit card shock you will receive next month – on top of the fact you still didn’t get laid because the baby-sitter charges extra for ignoring the bouncing car in the driveway.

Now is the perfect time to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! One pathetic, lonely heart Valentine at a time!

And I found just the way to do it: International Book Giving Day.

While millions of minions drown their Valentine sorrows following their inevitable failure to obtain Hallmark Happiness, I will be giving books around the world to those easily malleable to my evil ways. Books like this beauty:

The concept is easy to follow: give the gift of literacy to family, friends, schools, or area in need. But while they read, I will easily convince them they can achieve so much more – if only they use their power for evil, rather than good. Feed their dark thoughts on this coveted day, and convince them to bring others down into the anti-Valentine’s by giving a book.

And then soon minions all over the world will be too busy being evil to bother with companionship!! Mwahahaha!

So, what do you have planned for February 14?