Do you have a pet? A fluffy puppy? An evil cat?
At Evil Genius Inc, we have three. Yes – 3.
And today, I really REALLY regret each of them.
You see, we have dragons.
Yes – Dragons.
Oh, alright – if you want to spoil the magic. They are Central Bearded Dragons, native to Australia. More particularly, native to Central Australia.
They really are the perfect pet for Evil Genius and Spawnling. They don’t do much, are pretty hardy and low maintenance, have plenty of personality, and can be trained (to a point).
You do need a licence for them (step up, EG Dad) but officially Sinister has two and Nefarious has one.
Except for the maintenance. Then they ‘technically’ become mine.
And there in lies the issue.
The primary source of diet for a Dragon (or Beardie) is a mixture of greens (salad vegies) and… cockroaches.
Not just any cockroaches – bush cockroaches. Also known as ‘woodies’.
And … we breed them too. In a big black garbage bin, with food and warmth in our laundry.
Let me just clarify something here – I hate cockroaches. I can handle snakes, lizards, spiders, wild dogs, you name it. But cockroaches just gross me out.
So now let me paint you a picture of my day.
See this lovely black bin? It is secured with a self-locking lid. Very smart. Very well designed. It has a hole cut in the top for ventilation with mesh glued over to stop the crawlies from crawling out. Brilliant.
Now, take a look at the next set-up – the feeding box.
Seems sweet and innocent enough. Smaller plastic box with petroleum jelly to stop the crawlies crawling out. Put dragon in. Feeds. Take Dragon out.
Except in the colder months – where the Dragons don’t feed as much. So there are woodies left in the feeding box.
And lazy tired people forget to put the woodies back in the Breeding Bin.
And put the Feeding Box on top of the Breeding Bin. Resting against the dryer.
Which then shakes and dumps said Feeding Box – woodies, castings, and all – on the laundry floor.
Yep. I now have at least 2 dozen woodies (NB. BUSH COCKROACHES) running around Evil Genius Inc.
And no-one to blame but myself. EG Dad has taken off interstate again. Spawnlings are too short to reach
this level of stupidity the top of the Breeding Box.
Can I blame it on the
parasitic relationship pregnancy? Probably, but even I believe that’s lame. Better chances blaming it on the explicit desire to handle the damn things as little as possible. Ironic, since I was chasing half the container around the laundry floor and catching them with my bare hands.
Oh yeah – probably should have put a disclaimer or something at the beginning: Don’t read this blog post if you don’t like reading about creepy-crawlies.
And yes – EG Dad is a well-trained husband who does read my blog posts. I’m just betting he will read this on the plane home tonight, giving him at least an hour from airport to home, to cool down and see the funny side of this.