EG Parent Award #62


I have just had the week from Tartarus. And all because of being a volunteer parent for multiple spawnlings’ extra-curricular activities.

Parent volunteers. There are some absolutely fantastic parent volunteers out there. And then there is that one who does such a crappy job, no one ever wants the role ever again.

Now, for any of you minions out there – VOLUNTEER!!


Seriously, you really do end up with the same suckers parents at every damn event. And when you are dragging your sorry butt to every damn event, you need something to break up the monotony.

Somehow or another, I ended up swapping with EG Dad and doing his volunteer shift on the sprints track at our Nippers Carnival last weekend. That’s okay – he was stuck with the spawnlings. 😀

For those who like their Sunday sleep-ins: I hate you.


Nippers are junior surf lifesavers. Their weekends are split between training sessions (learning about water safety and life-saving techniques) and carnivals (competitions with events that incorporate some of these skills).

When you volunteer as a judge or official (or whatever the hell I was)  for an event like the sprints, it normally means standing out in the sun for an hour counting the ‘placings’ in each event and then standing in the lane of whichever placing you are responsible. I was responsible for 6th. They clearly knew my experience with running.

Now, carnivals can be a little competitive at times. However, there is nothing more embarrassing than watching some parent on the side calling out some sweet little supportive comment prior to the start… And suddenly turn into a teeth-gnashing banshee screaming “FASTER!! FASTER!! LIFT YOUR GODDAMN LEGS!!” as soon as the starting gun is fired.

Of course, it is then this same parent who walks over to pick a fight because their little ‘miracle’ couldn’t possibly have placed 6th. They were clearly 3rd.

Not even close.

This week’s EG Parent Award goes to my fellow volunteer who was responsible for 2nd placing.

Who, at the end of the race, casually asked me which one I thought placed 6th. And then casually stood in that lane while nudging me over to the one he thought placed 2nd.

And then grinned when the same woman lost her head over where we were standing.

Of course, he apologised profusely to her for making such a simple little error. Of course, he had seen her ‘miracle’ place 2nd and he must have just been distracted by the sun for a minute.

Troll Level: Master. +50

When some of the other scheduled volunteers didn’t show up, this guy made the additional hour of hell a lot more bearable. We repeated this stunt every time we saw parents acting like idiots on the sidelines.

Sad to say, it was more often than even I liked.

Absolute kudos to the spawnlings – none of them minded. A couple even picked up on the joke and had a snicker at their parents expense. Every single one of them was a pure sportsman on the day and I was truly impressed.

And to the EG Parent – thank you. Thank you for volunteering, when so many don’t. And thanks for making it fun for us other parents.

I’m even considering volunteering again for the next carnival.

Evil Genius Parent Award #14

There is only so much “Cars” story-telling I can take. EG Dad says “Cars 2” is just as bad, even if it is about spies and big badda-booms.

However, there are limited CDs that EG Inc can agree on for the car. In fact, it’s a toss-up between the torture of the CD-choice and the torture of the argument making that choice.


Enter Rhys Muldoon and his album               “I’m Not Singing“.

I swear, Rhys – contact me. With your amazing ability to appease EVERYONE in EG Inc, and my genius with subliminal messages… We will take over the WORLD!!

Now, let it be noted – I receive no commission for this post whatsoever. In fact, special Honorary Mention must be given to Reservoir Dad and his fantastic ability to convince me to buy the album. He originally gave 10 reasons; I had my credit card out at #4.

You are probably wondering what makes this album so worthy of an EGP Award? Such insolence… Nevertheless, the album passed a number of essential tests:

  1. Nefarious was singing the song in public, after only 2 listen-throughs, and he is usually not musically inclined. Nothing better than hearing your 3yo spawnling sing “Apples and Bananas, and Apricots too / All adds up to a very big poo” in the middle of the fruit/veg section of Woolworths;
  2. Sinister and Nefarious have both asked for EG Dad to take them to the Football – purely because of Footy Dad;
  3. When EG Dad hopped in the car alone, he seriously considered playing the album;
  4. All of EG Inc are interested a supporting concert (complete with 3yo-Mosh Pit), and subsequent follow-up album. If Rhys could team up with Kram (Spiderbait) for this one, who the hell will he coerce next time?!?

    Rhys Muldoon
    Looks innocent enough…

Rhys – you evil bastard. I’ve always known you had EG potential after listening to “Gay School” on Triple J mornings many years ago. But now you are actively selling items in the children’s market that you know   are irresistible to the adults (those who supposedly control the purse strings).

Evil, evil man.

Evil Genius Parent Award #14. Well-deserved.