I am not the person who writes wish lists to Santa.

More likely I’m the person Santa comes to for advice.

Face it: I don’t believe in the guy.

At Evil Genius Inc, we don’t ‘kill’ the guy per se. We merely encourage the genius to disprove the myths. Or at least, work with them. And the kids work really well with that.

* He travels around the entire world, delivering presents – in one night.

I’m more likely to believe in The Doctor turning up on my doorstep with his TARDIS and offering to share some of his technology in exchange for a poker buddy in the 1920s. But hey, Sinister is convinced he can have a working teleporter before school returns. Laziness begets genius.

* Santa knows when you’re sleeping.

Dude. I’m a mother. I never sleep. Nefarious has ensured that this week. Mainly because he realised that when EG Mum is tired, her defences drop and she’s suddenly eager to negotiate TV time. Extortion.

* He knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Well, I think I made this one easy for him, there’s no magic in that. But then the Fat Guy went a step further and introduced this Elf on a Shelf.

Come on! You are going to continue your stalking practices with an ’employee’ that encourages kids to practice espionage? Tad hypocritical. Kinda lazy. Leaning towards creepy.

As much as I don’t care for Santa, I do appreciate my minions. They are useful, and by encouraging their hope and need for celebration, I can usually enjoy some good laughs.

So, in the spirit of Christmas blogging, as started by Daddown Under, I intend to do a shout out to those minions who have given me the best laughs.

Let’s start with Patient Zero – Daddown Under. I’m the first to admit – he’s not like other minions. Partly because I think I have a kindred spirit – and yes, I DO think he can be that evil.

Close second – Reservoir Dad. He’s also a little evil; mainly because RD stays at home with 4 kids. 4 boys, in fact. That much testosterone would make anyone a little evil. I know – I’m female and have 2 boys. But somehow RD keeps me from blowing them up, and has encouraged my own insanity along the way.

Then there’s Lori over at Random Ramblings of a Stay At Home Mum. She’s not evil. Not even close. But her randomness inspires my evilness. And she likes jelly-beans. Double points. I’m sure there’s a Forensic Friday waiting for jelly-beans. And yes – jelly-beans are evil. Try feeding them to your kids before dropping them off at their grandparents.

Number 4 is iGameMom. Whenever I need to find a new techy device to distract the spawnlings while I finish off the Shrink Ray, she has it nailed. She even gives me tips on how to claim that it’s “educational”.

And the final blogging minion who may achieve a breather this week from shovelling my shit – at least for Christmas – is Hopscotch Children’s Boutique. Hopscotch is an old friend from way back who has probably seen more examples of my evilness than I care to admit on a public forum. The fact that she hasn’t shared any of these – yes, she is extorting me to get a mention. But damn it, she deserves a mention.

There you have it – sharing the joy with 5 other suckers. Now they have to figure out how to say something nice about 5 other bloggers, and would probably help saying something nice about the Fat Man. If you are expecting him to visit. And deliver presents.

Because you don’t have The Doctor’s number.