Only the Brave Sleep here…

Only the brave sleep in our Evil Lair.

And with YOUNG spawnlings, we don’t usually sleep well.

Although…

APPARENTLY – I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon. Whilst breastfeeding Zaltu.

I say apparently, because I was only made aware of it when the spawnlings woke me.

I WAS asleep...

I WAS asleep…

So, apparently, I fell asleep not long after Sinister came home from school. Just long enough for me to direct him to the fridge for his afternoon tea and start feeding Zaltu.

Not long enough to stay awake.

It’s a very VERY comfy couch. And I strongly suspect that Zaltu is going through a growth spurt because she is feeding a lot, all the time.

Oh man, I HOPE this is a growth spurt and not her new routine to cope for the other two returning to school…

The good news is that Zaltu slept the whole time, on my lap. The spawnlings fed themselves from the fridge (and left me the dodgy junk food – nice). They entertained themselves. And they let me sleep. How sweet is that!

The bad news – they didn’t once take advantage of the situation. No hands in bowls of water. No raiding the chocolate. Not even a single mustache hair drawn on my face.

Obviously, returning to mainstream school is a bad influence on them. What kind of spawnlings am I raising here?!?

Have you ever fallen asleep with the spawnlings roaming free in the house? Did your lair survive the onslaught?

Evil Genius Parent Award #42

Sinister is back at school on Wednesday. Nefarious starts next Monday.

And I’ll be left alone with Zaltu. The Goddess of Strife herself.

All 5 months of her.

So of course, I started looking at Mummy-and-Me classes. Let’s see what’s available in our area:

101 Baby Electronics? Nope

Baby Bounce-off-the-Walls? Not yet

Dancetime (BYO Torture Tutus)? Teacher is still on stress leave for another 3 months.

And it appears I’m not the only one having trouble finding the right class. Dani over at Cloudy with a Chance of Wine has hit her quota of crappy kids classes.

She has 10 reasons why Mummy-and-Me classes suck. #6 sings to my dark, dark, soul.

Reminds me of the hell I went through with Sinister and Nefarious.

But honestly, it’s pretty equal on the level of Evil Genius Monologue Torture. Classes, or stay home with Zaltu?

I reckon I can handle the class if we can wear one of these:

Pirate Tutu

One Sibling at a Time

Apparently, we’re running out of space in our Lair.

I say “apparently” because we’ve just moved Zaltu into her own room and EG Dad is unsure how long she can share with the crapload of EG toys in there.

We already have Sinister and Nefarious sharing a room, and who knows how long that’s going to last without incident. If they are anything like their mother (they should be so lucky), then not long at all.

When I was about 8, I shared a room with my Big Sis (she was about 12). We … did not get along.

I don’t remember how this particular fight started, but I sure as Hades remember how it ended. She had made the mistake of ‘involving’ one of my books (ripped a page perhaps?) and I patiently bided my time to return the favour.

We both had single beds, with blue metal tubular frames. A simple upside-down U at head and foot.

I waited until she slept. I simply snuck over and tied some of her hair to the bed head. And then peacefully went to sleep.

How annoying to then be woken by her “AARRGGHH!!” as she tried to sit up in the morning.

Needless to say, she never messed with my books again. Nor did we have to share rooms anymore.

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Now, both Sinister and Nefarious have short hair so I’m not too worried about it. However, they are both more wily than Big Sis ever was. Helps having a healthy dose of Criminal Genius from EG Dad.

Sharing a room is too easy for them. It’s the rest of the Lair that needs to be watched.

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Do your spawnlings share a room? How else do you manage the space?

EG Parent Award #41

We’ve all had one.

The housemate who leaves passive-aggressive notes around the place.

“I washed up for you AGAIN!”

“Please lock the garage door on your way out”

“Did you swap the milk labels? My carton tasted funny” ( – yes. Yes I did)

But if you’re going to have a Permanent Housemate, then it is always best to keep it fresh. Just in case they suddenly fight back, and piss in your coffee-beaker … or something like that.

Post-It Note Dad has it down pat. He leaves plenty of post-it notes for his wife (Permanent Housemate) regarding the amazing job he is doing as a Stay-at-Home parent. Just enough to show that he is doing something, while maintaining his sanity. Comparatively speaking. Image

It’s definitely worth reading through the post-it notes. And if any of my spawnlings happen to share-house with his spawnling in the distant future, at least I know the note-passing will be worth the random visits.

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Round 2: EG Mum v. EG Grandma

We already know how evil grandma can be.

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This is just the beginning.

EG Inc has travelled 2500km into the pits of Hades (read: Nth Qld in Summer) to visit family/demons.

It’s bad enough that the heat is more repressive than a cooked laboratory, but now EG Grandma is taking advantage of my weakened state. The spawnlings actually LIKE her!! Where’s the Fear of Mum from my childhood?!? Why is Zaltu allowed to chew on a purse that I could never borrow?!? When did chocolate become a breakfast food?!?

At first, I thought it was merely general spoiling since we do live interstate and hardly visit for long periods of time. However, spoiling would be dessert with extra scoopings. And I don’t mind racing my parents to the register to pay for something. It’s the only exercise we have at the moment.

However, we are now moving into outright Declaration of War.

It started with some story-telling. Tales of when I was a kid, climbing mulberry trees and shopping trolley races in car parks. Stories that will make it hard to enforce discipline when they hit their teens.

Then it progressed to stories of my suspension from preschool and my attempt at blowing up the Home Economics block (microwaves are science experiments waiting to happen).

But the piece that has absolutely ruined my relationship with the spawnlings:

“You kids are pretty lucky. I have loved having you visit, so I can spoil you and fill you up with treats – and hand you back. But your parents are pretty darn good. Your mum brought you all this way, has shared so much with you and is sitting back, just letting us spend time together. That’s pretty good. She pretends to be tough, but I reckon she’s enjoying this trip as much as you are.”

Damn it. Ruined my EG cred right there.

Going to take me all of next school term to convince them again how hard-core I can be.

How the hell do I EG parent now?

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EG Parent Award #40

It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

It is the present only another EG parent could truly appreciate.

It is the thoughtful gesture that needs no reward greater than a simple nod of thanks, and yet deserves so much more. At least an EG Parenting award.

And I want more.

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Zaltu, being the little Goddess of Strife that she is, has refused all attempts of “pacifying” by us – her mere parents and spawn-points. Apparently, our pacifiers and tools are not good enough.

And then we received this beauty from Al and Maria.

Oh. My. Laboratory.

Zaltu loves this thing. Sure, she spits it when she knows it’s nap time ( don’t we all spit the dummy from time to time?) but the process of putting her to sleep has gone from 40mins to 5min.

And she stops cursing in Baby if I give it to her straight from the freezer (we ARE currently parked in North Queensland, Australia in the middle of Summer).

Sure, maybe it has some special shape she likes. Might even be the soft texture.

But I know, and ALL the minions know it is because of the absolutely awesome image it maintains for the youngest of EG Inc.

Best. Gift. Ever.

What awesome gifts have you received from understanding minions?