Evil Genius Parent Award #35

The weather is crappy. Really really crappy.

It’s cold, wet, and there’s only so much you can do in the confines of the Evil Genius Lair.


EG History lesson – EG Dad and I are not known for our friendly, jovial, nature during board games. In fact, I remember quite clearly during our 1st year of ‘dating’, we had a board games at our share house with the many other friends. The game was Pictionary. We were a team. And then our competitive natures reared their ugly heads with each other.

treasure chest

And this is still a better treasure chest drawing than I ever remember doing…

I think the picture in question was a treasure chest. It may or may not have been my own artwork.

Nevertheless, we were BANNED from ever playing Pictionary again. And many friends thought twice about inviting us to Games Night again – except for the fact that I can cook, and EG Dad has excellent taste in wine and beer.

(NB: We eventually truced, and I even bought him Pictionary for a gift one year. Yes we have played, and yes we have survived. We have finally learnt to concentrate our competitive nature at other people!)

To be honest, there was one game where success has always escaped me: Monopoly.

Who MonopolyI have played it for years with my family, and recently was given Doctor Who Monopoly – which is, of course, the most popular board game in the house (closely followed by LEGO Creationary). Not only does EG Dad hand me my arse on a monopoly board quite often – even Sinister is getting in on the action. 

But now I have a secret weapon!! SUCCESS WILL BE MINE!! And I have Walter Hickey, at the Business Insider,  to thank for it.

Walter Hickey
EGP Award #35

This week’s EG Parent Award goes to Walt, and I’m sure there are EG Parents all around the world who will appreciate the genius of this advice, helping us all stay one step ahead of the evil spawnlings.

He has provided a simple process to dominate at Monopoly using mathematics. Brilliant!

Head over to Business Insider and check out his PowerPoint on the topic. Yes, PowerPoint. Doesn’t get any more evil than that.

Who Monopoly Purple

Pass the purple
Aim for the Orange

And next time Sinister and Nefarious want to play Doctor Who Monopoly, I’ll be ready for them.




Evil Genius Parent Award #34

Every Evil Genius Lair needs a First Aid kit. Something easily retrievable when minions are set alight, or eye-brows singed, or chocolate smeared across ceilings.

However, I often wonder about exactly what needs to be in the EG First Aid kit. Bandages, band-aids, plaster tape – sure. We know all about these. But what other essential items are required for the EVIL GENIUS FIRST AID KIT.

Alcohol swabs – oh yeah. I know a few minions out there who would think we need a few of these.

Large plaster tape – to tape down the minions when administering First Aid.

But there is one minion who has really thought outside the lab. So this week’s award goes to Meredith McC.

I thought I’d try some eye drops today because they’re supposed to help with irritation. They didn’t work. I squeezed the whole bottle on my three year old. Nothing.

– Meredith McC

Meredith inspired a follow-up idea for this same approach. One of her friends suggests nappy cream – also removes irritation and protects against further damage.

Any other suggestions of things to add to the Evil Genius Parent First Aid Kit?

Just remember: It is always important to follow instructions on medication bottles:



The Flame Challenge – with Alan Alda

Spend a little time watching spawnlings at work play and you will start to see that science comes naturally to them.

Seriously – science is an art form. It is purely about finding out how and why things happen.

(Oxford Dictionary)

Definition of science (noun)

The intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behaviour of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.

Oh my god, that sounds boring to me! But it proves my point.

When you watch your spawnling play and discover new things, most of the time they will apply a systematic approach to learning this new skill or knowledge. Sometimes it is a physical experiment themselves (eg. if I eat 1 fistful of sand, it makes my poo slightly less consistent; but if I eat 2 fistfuls, I will cry with every nappy change). Sometimes it is the approach they take to asking the right questions.

Alan Alda

And thus, Alan Alda is now promoted to Minister of Scientific Learning in my soon-to-be EG World.

Sure, if you recognised his name, you probably started humming “Suicide is Painless” from MASH. Or if you are a slightly younger nerd, you may have recalled his brilliant performance in West Wing.

But did you know that he is a HUGE advocate for science education? Not only is he pushing for less jargon in science (to make it more approachable to general public), but he is thinking of new and innovative ways to encourage the spawnlings to take over the scientific world themselves!!

For example, I command you to check out The Flame Challenge. It is an annual competition to see which scientists can answer a question that explains science to your average 11 year old. This year’s question: What is time?FlameChallenge_WSF_kids2-160x160

Of course, almost-7-year-old Sinister answered this quickly with “Wibbly Wobbly Timey-Wimey stuff”. Nefarious made the appropriate TARDIS handbrake noises. Obviously my EG Parenting skills are not quite up to standard this week.

The winners did a much better job than that. Methinks I need to keep an eye on my competition.

Spawnlings should be encouraged to OWN science. Embrace it. Challenge it. Ask questions. And have your Evil Overlords answer in ways that you understand! Alan Alda is opening up the opportunity to do so, improving in leaps and bounds!

Now I’m feeling kind of slack. I think it is time to return to our Forensic Fridays and rebuild the natural curiousity of my spawnlings. Stay tuned for reports on how to grow back eye-brows overnight.

One Birthday Party at a Time (Nefarious is now 4)

Happy 4th Birthday Nefarious!

Nefarious has an awesome birthday.

His first birthday was on Free Comic Book Day. Coolest morning ever. We went over to the local comic book store and introduced him to Daleks, Imperial troops, and The Batman.

It has since become a bit of a tradition for young Nefarious to celebrate his birthday with some sort of comic book festivity. No complaints from the rest of the family, of course.

This year was Nefarious’ first birthday party – and he wanted a super-hero/villain theme. With a trip to the comic book store. In costume.

Our first cosplay.

And it was brilliant. Thanks to the many minions on Facebook and Twitter who provided suggestions for my pregnant bump to still be in cosplay.FCBD 2

But how did the rest of the party go? What wonderful birthday tips can I give to my minions for their own celebrations? Here’s the list:

  1. Stand by your theme: Super-hero/villain. Spawnlings love it, but they love it even more if the parents are in theme too!FCBD
  2.  Carry the theme through everything: There are some really easy ways to carry a theme through food and decorations. For example, EG Dad was responsible for the Batman Biscuits (below). They are simply Arnott’s Arrowroot biscuits with a slather of yellow icing and black writing-icing to draw the Bat Signal. So easy! photo (2)
  3. Keep it simple but strong: You don’t need to go over the top with the games and decorations. Just change the name for the kids. 4yo spawnlings loved “Pass the Kryptonite” as the pass-the-parcel game, with each layer wrapped in green paper. And since Nefarious is a Ben 10 fan, we included “Pin the Omnitrix on Ben”.
  4. Music makes it: Music can be a tricky one, but a little thought goes a long way. We happen to have a Star Wars Episode II CD (only good thing from that disaster of a movie…) and it was an  absolute hit for the spawnlings! So easy to recognise the theme! A bit of Buble singing Spider-Man seemed to appease the parents who stayed too.
  5. EsmeSave a bit of creativity for the Party Bags: We had a few older siblings tag along – so we kept a couple of Free Comic Book Day comics for them. Personally, I prefer to do something different with birthday bags. So this time I made capes – I think there was a bit of Esme-defiance kicking in here. Nevertheless, the capes definitely The Thing. Still played with around our Lair and other houses in the neighbourhood.
  6. Birthday Cakes are ESSENTIAL: I don’t care whether you make it or not. The kids don’t care whether you make it or not. But it has to carry the THEME!! Fortunately Nefarious was ecstatic with an Omnitrix cake. Seriously – how easy was that! photo (9)

So there you go. Don’t over-do it. Kids like it simple. Nefarious absolutely loved his birthday party, and was still talking about it later. It was easy-going and popular with the other spawnlings. Talk about simple mind-manipulation. I think I have a team of potential minions for my spawnlings, all set and ready to go. That, to me, is the greatest sign of success.

Evil Genius Parent Award #33

It is that time of year again.

If you’re North of the border, you’re hitting Summer Holidays. Zombies (teens with default “I’m bored” settings); Vampires (pre-teens with inability to earn their own money, drive themselves anywhere, and clean up own mess); and Trolls (creative parents on the web who brag about how great they are making the Summer Holidays while pouring a little more whiskey into their coffee cup, wearing the same PJ’s from two days ago… and have no idea where the kids are in that equation).

If you’re South, then you have Winter and all the germ-fests your spawnlings can dive into. Ick. I just saw a Green Stripe on their sleeve. And THAT spawnling should definitely not be at preschool without a HAZMAT suit. Hell, give ME the HAZMAT suit – even just for the school pick-up.

Either way, you are going to need a survival plan. One that has you managed, settled, and ready to run – without giving too much away to the spawnlings.

Enter: Nerdy with Children!!


They have provided you with some basic ideas on how to avoid the oncoming Zombie Apocalypse! And they have done it in a very smart way. How to prepare your ‘bug-out’ bag, books to include for preparation, and some crafty ways to prepare your self-defence skills. Nice.


I’ll be honest – I’m really feeling the love for the rest of their website too. It just screams to the geeky side of me, but hey – if they can provide me with a bit of fun in preparing the spawnlings for total world destruction, reconstruction, and domination – they deserve an Evil Genius Parent Award.

Check out their Facebook page too – and say thank you for the considerate thought to help you survive. I’ll need surviving minions after Z-Day.

Evil Genius Parent Award #32

Father’s Day is approaching for minions in the United States of America.

For Mother’s Day last month, EG Dad received a little robot vacuum cleaner.

Yes, I know – EG MUM is supposed to receive on Mother’s Day, not EG Dad. But hey, this was given to him (a prize because of my mother’s day) to allow him the opportunity to claim he was helping with household chores by pressing a button and walking away.

And I don’t mind – because it means I don’t have to vacuum either! Rather genius, when you think about it.

So, with the US Father’s Day coming up, I was sent through a tweet about another gift for EG Dad, and once again I would be the one benefiting from it.

(BTW: I can’t remember who shared this on their blog or twitter, so if you recognise your genius, comment below so I can grant you Honorary Mention).

This to me is just pure Evil Genius in itself.

Train shirt

Quality Dad Time
Now for my cuppa

I love this shirt. I think EG Dad will like it too. He can lie down and spend some time with the spawnlings, receive a light back massage, while I sit back and enjoy my HOT cup of tea. Either way, EG Dad is pretty much trapped flat on the floor for at least 15mins. 😀

Win-win! Evil Genius Parenting!

The t-shirt can be bought through Etsy with bkykid. They have a car t-shirt too.  I have no idea who this bkykid is, but hey – this is genius.


What would you give your co-parent to guarantee a few minutes of quiet for yourself?