Evil Genius Tool #4 – Easter Egg Hunts

I’ll be honest with you – we don’t celebrate Easter, per se.

For Evil Genius Inc, it’s a 4-day long Festival of Chocolate. A long weekend of sleep and chocolate.

The only thing we truly consider worthy of celebrating is the honorary sleep-in that EG Dad and I score on Sunday morning – thanks to some prior planning on our side.

Sinister and Nefarious have a pretty good understanding of the various festivals at this time of year. They know about seasonal festivities, about ‘breeding like rabbits’ (thanks to some dumb neighbour releasing their ‘pets’ into the neighbourhood), and they understand that chocolate puts EG Mum in a better mood, which puts EG Dad in a better mood (however, the co-relation is not directly understood … as yet).

But the only thing that 6yo Sinister and 3yo Nefarious truly care about at this age is – The Easter Egg Hunt.

So this is the plan for our Saturday night and Sunday morning:

These are the eggs the spawnlings ‘happened to see’ around the house:

photo 1

These aren’t the Eggs you are looking for…

This is the area we have for hiding eggs:

photo 3

And THESE are the eggs that will be hidden in the area on Saturday night:

photo 2

Guaranteed extra 30mins to 1 hour sleep in on Sunday morning.

If you REALLY can’t sleep in during this time, or if your existence sucks enough that you HAVE to wake up early on Sunday morning to hide the eggs, this will at least guarantee you the peaceful enjoyment of your cuppa tea/coffee. Maybe even two.

Go check the stash. Look for green Easter Eggs, or green wrapping paper.

Have none? Saturday should still have shops open to buy some supplies.

Trust me – the tranquility with that cuppa is so worth it. Just make sure you remember where you hid them.

Thank me when I take over the world. Easter Egg Hunts like this will be compulsory.

 

Have a better example of Evil Genius Parenting? Share it here or on the Facebook page by Sunday night and I’ll consider it for and EG Parent Award.

 

 

Evil Genius Parent Award #23 – Sex

Yep. This week is about sex.

I have not laughed so hard as I did reading not one, but TWO blog posts featuring sex.

That is not to be misinterpreted as a reflection on EG Dad, but more like parenting in  general.

Especially with kids. And the hormonally imbalanced (read: yep, still preggers).

So this week’s award goes to Crappy Pictures – a blog I’m sure most of you are aware of. And if you’re not – go there now, and familiarise yourself.

Particularly the art (and it IS an art) of obtaining quickies. This is an important skill for any Evil Genius Parent Wannabe – if you can’t have quickies, you can’t create even more spawnlings for

  1. Taking over the world; and
  2. Personal entertainment (when they one day try to outsmart each other).

The thing is that quickies can be rather elusive, except for the more… opportunistic:

 

Kids are entertained for all of 30 seconds…. QUICKIE!!

 

However, the advice from Crappy Mama is made even more poignant when added to the advice given by Bruce over at Big Family, Little Income. Take note of #6 and #10 in his archived blog post of 10 Tips for New Parents.

Now, stop reading and go grab that window. Even if the window is the big fake one allowing your kids to ‘see’ into the world shiny, moving pictures.

 

I lost my Mojo

I lost my mojo.

Somewhere around December 2012. Between upchucking and being pissed off with the world.

I remember working really hard at keeping up my search for Evil Genius Parents; acknowledging their inspiring work and sharing it with all of you.

But as each week passed, I kept facing more and more ugliness in the world. More chaos where ugly ‘things’ were acting way outside the world order I intended. It wasn’t around every corner, but it was enough to tarnish the great work out there by loyal minions like yourself.

Malala in Pakistan (though that started in October).

The Steubenville Case.

The Gang Rape-Murder in India.

All this while navigating the perils of all-day sickness (there is a whole new level of dungeons for the sick bastard who came up with the term “Morning Sickness”). Already tired and feeling like utter crap, and then hearing discussion about people who are seriously so much worse off than myself – and not yet having the power to change that!

But the frustration came from some of the social commentary.

Some people came out saying that we should lock up our daughters and keep them safe from men like that.

Others claimed we should teach our sons not to be “that guy”, like they were inherently bad and had to overcome that to be good men.

Then there were articles about things mothers should teach their sons, as if this is the only way stop the Ugly in the World.

Now, this may all seem a little out of character – especially for an Evil Genius Mum. Exactly what type of world am I trying to construct for my little spawnlings?

I want a world where technology is worshiped for the power that it inspires.

I want a world where children are encouraged experiment with their boundaries and explore the world around them.

I want a world where parents are not trying to conform kids for the convenience of both time and social status.

I want a world where each person is seen for the potential they have to be world leaders in their own way.

I want a world where superheroes are read about in comic books, but live in our regular world too.

I want a world where the myopia of gender, race, religion, or scientific theory are not used as power struggles with violence – but instead are seen as tools to create my greater visionary world.

My biggest challenge, as an Evil Genius Mum of boys, is to ensure that our sons maintain their robust confidence and curious sense of adventure. Yes, they will dominate the world, but Evil Genius Inc is not out to destroy the world. What’s the point of taking over the world if you have no intention of keeping your toy to play with?

So here’s my suggestion on making everyone feel a little better. Settle the minions. Quash the rebellion. Help get my mojo back.

I’m going to share a story of the innate goodness of my spawnlings. I’m going to start off a chain sharing positive stories about the goodness of people.

I know, I know – this is definitely outside the scope of Evil Genius Mum. But I don’t care.

I’ll share my first story in the comments. It’s not supposed to make you go “Awww. That’s so sweet.” or any soft, mushy, crap like that. Instead, my intent is to share stories that make you go “Yeah. That’s the type of person I want taking over the world. I would follow this person into the next generation of genius”.

Share this around. Share the link. Share your stories.

This blog is purely a hobby. An outlet for writing. I’m not making a profit. I’m not seeking sponsorship. I just want to change the world – I’m so pissed off with it as it is. And many see that as the first sign of an Evil Genius.

Token IWD Post

There are some questions that need to be asked, and really are quite stupid in their execution – no matter how you ask them. Sometimes you don’t even realise it until some additional contextual feature kicks in – like International Women’s Day.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my midwife appointment, answering the usual plethora of questions so she could determine my risk of post-natal depression.

And then she said: “I now will ask you about your home environment to ensure that both you and the baby will be returning to a safe home environment.”

Okay.

“Do you feel safe with your husband?”

And then I realised. I feel very safe with EG Dad. He is amazing. I can honestly say EG Inc is a very safe household – except from failed science experiments and minion manipulation.

However, I am extremely lucky to be able to say that – let alone stop and think about the question at all! How many other women around the world are unable to to experience that same safety and security?

And then I realised how flimsy that question seemed!! Seriously, would a woman in a DV environment turn around to this complete stranger and suddenly say “Well, now that you mention it, my husband smacks me around a bit and I have never been able to tell anyone before.”

Hey, if it works that way – fantastic!! The system works (for a first). But after saying the exact same words above to the midwife, she turned around and said “I know. I agree – and I said the same thing to my boss. But hey – why should my 10 years of social work count for anything?”

You know, there may be an occasion when someone feels comfortable enough to confide in a stranger, but the likelihood?

There were a whole heap of other questions that also seemed pretty inane, but this was the one I was still thinking of hours later.

Especially on International Women’s Day. Especially when the theme for 2013 is Violence against Women. And especially when I am lucky enough this is the only time I really have to stop and think about it.

There are so many places around the world, countries, towns, villages, homes, cars – where safety for women is questionable, and downright non-existent. I hate making a gender issue out of it, but the truth is that gender IS the issue. Purely because the victims are chosen because of their gender. In many cases, the victims are then punished again because of their gender and the system’s inability to give them credit for the crime (“they asked for it”). Sometimes, the reaction can swing so far the other way that males in general are punished whether or not they are even that way inclined. No-one wins. Everyone suffers – the female victims most of all.

And why? Most of the time due to some stupid cultural belief of power over women. In fact these ‘monsters’ are normally so afraid of the potential of women to contribute and work with them, that they refuse to face their own insecurities and inadequacies, subsequently trying to bring their victims down to their level.

But hey – I’m not a psychologist (although some of them can be pretty evil in their genius). I’m just working from my experience dealing with some neanderthals in my life. And once again I find myself reflecting on how lucky I am that I have never had that sense of fear, danger, or anything else that ugly.

So I’ll do the only logical thing that I can do right now, right this minute – I will bring up my spawnlings to never inflict that pain, that fear, on to anyone else. To understand the need for respect, both ways. The responsibility that comes with being an Evil Genius and taking over the world – in guiding others to not resort to such intimidating tactics.

And hopefully that will one day allow at least two more women to sit with their midwives and question the effectiveness of the “safe home” question.

 

 

 

Grandmas are Evil (Granddads aren’t far off, either)

EG Grandma has just left the building.

It was a flying visit (hold off on the broomstick jokes, people) – EG Grandma extended a stopover in town from a couple of hours to almost 24 hours. Just enough time to visit the spawnlings, spoil them rotten, give them tips on how to irritate their parents, and then fly out again before any consequences kicked in.

Very Evil.

In our family, grandparents do all the things they were never allowed to do as parents, and even more so if their parents were evil grandparents too.

For example, how much chocolate were you allowed to eat as a kid? At home, not much. Treat every now and then. Until we visited the great-grandparents (yep, we live long and prosper on my side).

My great-grandma would put on this massive spread – we’re talking full on Mediterranean Banquet table. Don’t eat dinner the night before. Wear elastic-waist pants. And that’s just for morning tea.

That’s not really evil. It’s just normal feeding time in the family. The evil is afterwards. Just before you’re ready to leave. That’s when the great-grandfather would approach the kids and quietly slip a mars bar in to one pocket, maybe a kit kat into another.

red licorice

So much sugar and crap!!
So gooooooooood!!

On really special occasions (like inter-state travel), you might even find yourself munching on a few pieces of red licorice in the car on the way home. And this is after all the fizzy drink, pastries and other goodies during morning tea.

And no matter how much the parents say no, they do not need that much sugar – the grandparents (and great-grandparents) don’t care. Of course, they claim they just want to spoil the grandkids but it’s really their opportunity to get even for all the times you readily accepted sugar from your grandparents. 

Only this time – it wasn’t just sugar. EG Grandma did buy chocolate Easter Eggs for the spawnlings now (to save postage later this month), but she also bought some

  • LEGO Chima – I reckon this is because EG Dad said “There is never enough LEGO!!” – eat your words, EG Dad.

She also did multiple readings with Nefarious in the morning. Not just one book – but at least two!! I even suspect three!! Does she not understand the precedent she is setting here?!? She’s only been gone a day, and already Nefarious now thinks I should be reading a minimum of two books every morning. Cook books and science experiments don’t count, apparently.

EG Grandma is evil – in less than 24 hours, she has now set unreal expectations that the rest of the lair thinks is normal! Folding the clothes?!? Washing the dishes?!? Playing with children in the park?!? When am I going to take over the world if she keeps introducing these new time-sucking activities to EG Dad’s wishlist. And this is my own mother!!

What EG Grandma looks like
She’s wiley enough to avoid the camera

 

 

 

 

I miss her. I wonder when she’ll visit next.