Evil Genius Parent Award #19

Mother       of            LEGO.

I just found another piece on the floor – with my foot.

Sinister's LEGO Dalek

Sinister’s LEGO Dalek
“Extort! EXTORT!!”

I completely respect the idea of creative (evil) genius. I love the battle droids that Sinister has been building all school holidays. I love the mini daleks that surrounded the table. I love the armoury, purposely built by Nefarious for his ninjas.

But I hate trying to get them to clean it up afterwards. I would do anything, including bribery and blackmail, to make that job easier for me.

Enter: The Tooth Fairy.

Neither of my spawnlings are yet to lose any baby-teeth. But I am so keeping this card up my sleeve.

You may have seen it journey around the webz already – One of my loyal spawnlings, Glenn D., shuffled it in my direction this past week, and I found the original Evil Genius Parent here: Non-Stop Mom.

The response to this letter has completely amazed the original author, to the point where she has blogged a reply to some comments she has read around the place.

If you’re going down the path of Tooth Fairies, and other mythical creatures for childhood manipulation memories, then I say you’ll appreciate this beauty as well.

If only to get the damn LEGO off the floor.

What bribe will the Tooth Fairy use in your house?

One Rainy Day at a Time

I have received reports from minions in Queensland, Australia. Reports of extreme weather. I would love to claim credit for weather control, but alas – this one is natural causes.

At the same time, minions in the UK are having extreme cold. What’s the point of these? Both sets of minions have included pleas for help: from their own spawnlings!!

Now, COME ON!! So the electricity is cut! Whoopy-di-doo!! You’re not going to let a little electricity shortage allow your spawnlings to get the better of you?!? What type of “evil genius parent” in training are you?!?

Rainy/Snowed in days are the perfect opportunity to encourage a little lateral thinking and creative genius in your spawnlings (and yourself). All it takes is a little ingenuity to add an evil twist.

Masking Tape Car Track

I don’t even remember where I first saw this one, but I have found a link for a great reference: The Mother Huddle.

Now, if you really want to make it interesting. Do you have any monsters around? Dinosaurs? Introduce your spawnlings to the idea of Godzilla!!

Paddle-Pop Stick Puppets

Buffy fans, rejoice! Here’s a great way to introduce your kids Mutant Enemy Productions and the magic of Joss Whedon.

Take a couple of paddle-pop/ice-block sticks and glue on your own puppet design. Start with any cut-out pictures from colouring books. You can even use any drawings your spawnlings have done for a few days.

Table Tents

A little while back, I shared a link on my Facebook page for a new addition to the humble Dining Table.

Simply awesome. Perfect if you spawnlings like to sit on quiet days by themselves. Instructions at Joyful Abode.

In EG Lair, we are more inclined to throw a sheet over the table and create “man-caves” or “mini evil lairs”. Such places have encouraged the conception of evil plans likes ‘sneak attacks on EG Dad at his computer’, or ‘stealing the last 6 biscuits from EG Mum’s stash’. Obviously, with these results, Table Tents are used as a last resort. The minute the big sheets come out, the spawnlings know that mischief will now ensue.

Any other ideas for how to manage your spawnlings ‘evil genius’ potential on electricity-free days? Share the pain here in the comments, or on my Facebook page.

And just remember where they got the Evil Genius from. 😉

 

 

 

 

Evil Genius Parent Award #18

Have you ever stopped and wondered about the life skills you are teaching your spawnlings?

Basic life skills that every one learns during their young formative years. Walking. Talking. Big-Baby-Eyes at grandparents. Framing siblings for obvious misdemeanors.

What about wartime strategy? Yeah, that is definitely up there for any aspiring Evil Genius. If you want to defeat any wannabe State Leaders, you need to know how to Make Them Cry.

Chubba over at Tacklenappy has shared a very detailed war-time account on the most common battle of all: Meal times.

Any good parent encourages their child to negotiate, discuss, and even barter with alternative foods during mealtime. Even more extraordinary if the parent has managed to achieve this with an 18mth old child and can retell the story to friends with a straight face.

I prefer aspiring Evil Genius Parents. They are the ones who continue to incite their young spawnlings to push farther, harder – using all weapons available in their arsenal. And then show the young ‘uns that NOTHING compares to the wily experience of the parents who spawned them.

*sigh* I’m really looking forward to breakfast now.

 

 

PS> Extra note about Tacklenappy: Set up by a pair of mates, who also have a radio show and a regularly updated Facebook page. Be forewarned – their Facebook page comes with MANY dad jokes. The ultimate weapon.

Evil Genius Parent Award #17

My spawnlings are boys. Very boyish boys. Noise with dirt. Not afraid to attempt total annihilation.

However, gender doesn’t really have a lot to do with it. Mainly because I was pretty much the same around that age.

So I’ve been told. Me – I remember being an absolute delight, full of fairy floss and unicorns, with rainbow ponytails.

Now, I have been told parenting girls requires a whole new level of evil genius. Especially in the world of sex.

Enter this week’s Evil Genius Parenting Award recipient: The Mother of Anna L., blogger at My Life and Kids.

Anna has provided a list on How to Keep Your Daughter a Virgin by the Age of 18. Thanks to the efforts of her mother.

Apparently, according to a quick poll by the males in the room, this list is pretty effective. At least during high school.

So parents, if you want to practice evil genius parenting on the safe sex front, check out Anna and her blog: My Life and Kids.

Of course, there are plenty of other ways to protect your precious spawnlings. Share them here or on Facebook!

Evil Genius Parent Award #16

It’s the start of a new year. Wahoo.

Just turn the page already, and start with the 2013.

In some areas of the world, kids have returned to school over the last week. In other parts of the world, parents ares still thinking of ways to outsmart their spawnlings for the remaining 3wks of holidays.

And would you believe it – some Evil Genius Parent out there is willing to sell their secrets on the best ways to do it.

Traumatise

The Handbook for all aspiring Evil Genius Parents

This book was given as a gift to the Jenny G at Hopscotch Children’s Boutique. Personally, I know Jenny has some pretty evil plans bubbling away – so the only reason she would have this book would be to see if they had missed anything. Look carefully – the book already has a bit of wear-and-tear, and she’s only had it for 2 weeks!

Nevertheless, without a confessing author available, this week’s Evil Genius Parent Award goes to Jenny G. This could be a book of New Year Resolutions I may actually follow.

What tips do you have for ensuring your spawnlings are on the path to crazed evil genius?

One cough at a time

Come closer. I can’t talk very well at the moment. A little closer. Just a little.

*cough*  *splutter*  *wheeze*  *cough*

Nothing better than germ warfare.

Seriously though, I’ve been absolutely sick for the last 2 weeks. And I am so over it. Just before the seasonal “time off work” period at the end of the year, Nefarious became suspiciously affectionate. It should have been obvious to me. Nefarious asking for cuddles, and the robot in the corner “DANGER!! DANGER, EG MUM!!” But no. I weakened. I encouraged some down-time, thinking that perhaps he was starting to realise what a great team we make.

Evil spawnling.

Within a matter of days, I’m sniffling myself. And coughing. Oh, the coughing. Straight to my chest to dirty salsa on my lungs.

But, in the loving EG way, I shared my germs with Sinister. By Boxing Day, he too was sounding like a 6-pack a day jazz singer from Chicago. Share the pain.

Now, any suckers out there with kids will know that it doesn’t end there. Oh no, that would be kind of boring. Especially over this glorious “celebration” time, with EG Dad at home as well.

Nefarious senses my improving health; starts sniffling and sneezing all over me with cuddles. Lovely. Sinister fears he is missing out on my torture, so he starts coughing all over me. Even EG Dad wants in on the action, and *begs* me to join him late at night for a little LEGO Wii Lord of the Rings action. BEGS me, I tell you! How can I resist his offers of being Gimli for a bit of dwarf-tossing?

All this happening, while my cough gradually intensifies. And now I see the goal for their unified action.

I can’t talk.

Evil. All three of them. I now can’t argue with them; tell them off for interfering with my plans; and somewhere along the line I’ve strained my knee so I can’t even chase them out of my lair!!

So if you are wondering where I am, and why the world is still standing – now you know. I’m recovering from Germ Warfare within my own camp.

I’m struggling to get back on top of the blog, but I’ll be back at it soon. Doc’s surgery opens next week, and I’ll be all drugged up for evil.

What will we do in the meantime? Fortunately we have an awesome collection of classic films (Superman, Goonies, Star Wars), a new Wii game (Pokemon), and lots of LEGO. Lots of LEGOThere’s a blog post in that.

I also have a few apps, games, and cool inventions that popped up recently. With Sinister off from school, we have plenty of opportunities for evil. And of course, there are the aspiring minions out there, hoping for a chance at the Evil Genius Parent Awards.

Stay tuned, and I recommend some lemon and honey tea. And don’t talk. And don’t let your family know your weakness.

*cough*  *splutter*