One Educated Girl at a Time

I came across this article today (good work Checklist Mommy) and it has been gnawing at me all day. I also checked out the NY Times piece on the same event.

This whole event pisses me off.

Short summary – Malala Yousafzai is a 14 year old girl in Pakistan. Even at 14 (in fact, for a few years now), she’s been a loud and active advocate for the rights of educating girls in Pakistan. She’s even had the balls to tell the Taliban to piss off.

I like her style.

The Taliban are afraid of her – and fairly so. She may not be an evil genius (give it time…) but she is definitely impressive enough to scare the Taliban. Unfortunately enough they tried to kill her. On a school bus. On her way home.

Shot in the head. And shot in the neck.

She so far has survived – stable in a hospital after doctors removed the bullets. Damn, I really hope she survives – mainly to kick Taliban arse.

So, why am I – an Evil Genius Mum – writing about this?

Because it pisses me off. Pretty simple.

Here is a girl, with obvious genius potential. She has been singled out (with guns) because she is different. Because she had the balls to point out the system is crap and she wants to change it! Because she is a local girl, who looked at her society and knows that she can be the start of change for the better. She wants to make it better for herself, and for future generations.

Girl after my own heart. I’m just lucky enough not to be fighting against ignorant, self-centered, misogynistic  cretins – who are so afraid of change that they attacked a 14yo girl.

But I’m not writing this post to jump on the bandwagon of cheerleaders for Malala (well, maybe – but it’s not the sole purpose). And I’m definitely not writing this to give you a guilt trip – that’s so old school religion, and a post for another day.

I am writing about it to tell you about it. And to tell you of a way that you can make a difference too.

Yesterday I learnt of an organisation that has set up a group home for children in Bali, Indonesia: Foundation 18. Currently, they are housing 12 girls, in line with local customs. Check them out. As far as I am concerned, any organisation that supports the education of girls is another kick in the balls for groups like the Taliban.

Now it’s our turn to be that kick. Make a donation. Sponsor Foundation 18 for $10 per month. Send your kids clothes and toys. Spread the word and tell others to be that kick.

If you know of another organisation doing the same in Pakistan, or really anywhere else in the world, share it in the comments. Post as many as you can everywhere – not just here. Raise the awareness.

Show Malala that she is supported. Because one day, I’m going to have her as my Minister of Education and Kicking Arse.

 

 

 

Note: I have received no benefit and no incentive from Foundation 18. I learnt of the organisation yesterday and find the timely nature with today’s article to be pretty darn good. Make of it what you will – preferably, make it a pretty big kick.

Evil Genius Parent Award #4

Evil Genius Inc survived the school holidays. And no-one was maimed, injured, or killed. Yes, the spawnlings DID make someone else vomit but as Evil Genius Grandma says, “that just made it better”.

Of course, school holidays provide a plethora of opportunities to express your Evil Genius. But no matter how the story started, each discussion ended with the same statement: “But Daylight Savings? On the last day of school holidays? That’s just evil!!”

So, I’m breaking from previous examples, and granting this week’s Evil Genius Parent Award to someone that I don’t know but can still admire for their evilness.

Well done, to the sick bastard who thought it was a great idea starting Daylight Savings on the LAST DAY of school holidays.

Brilliant – trick all lazy parents to think that they are getting a sleep-in; weaken the resolve of small children by messing with feeding and sleeping times; and confuse the energy levels of young school children so that they are an emotional mess just before returning to teachers who may not be ready for them just yet!

EXCELLENT!!

If you know this wonderful person, who made this fantastic decision, please send them to my office immediately to collect this week’s award. Then you can have whatever is left.

 

Costumes to take Candy from a Granny

October is pretty much known as “dress-up-and-eat-lots-of-sugar” month. Sure, it’s supposed to be on one day – 31st October. But the other 30 days are for building up your tolerance. And strategising new ways of stealing from the kids.

Of course, October then becomes “pin-this-picture-of-my-kids-cool-costume” month, and even “look-at-my-cool-costume-that-I-have-worked-on-for-the-last-six-months” month.

Sorry – I’ve been too busy working on my freeze ray and studying space communication network management. However, I have learnt a couple of things about costumes and Halloween.

People on the interwebs love the intricate costumes. Thor Junior; Mini-Chewbacca; There’s even a parent who built this kid a Mech-Warrior. Awesome.

But seriously, who has the time to build this type of thing? And I can guarantee you that the ‘lolly supply’ in our neighbourhood is not  equal to the energy output my spawnlings are already calculating for that costume. Yep – Sinister just advised me that he would need twice as much chocolate to provide the energy to carry that thing next door. Damn kid.

So what is the best costume to gain maximum sugar? Keep it simple, stupid.

Take this ‘extra’ we built for a previous birthday party – A Space Rocket Jet-pack.

Straight-forward Space Rocket Jet Packs. Easy to make, instant storage space, and simply cute enough to still get the granny next door to “awwwwww” all over the door-step.

For the record, I came up with the idea and Evil Genius Dad followed through with the execution. He calls it “work”; I call it Managing my Chief Minion.

  1. Postpak tube cut to size (make sure it has the red lids included);
  2. Can of silver spray paint to coat (make sure your space is ventilated);
  3. Puncture holes in the tube for strong pins;
  4. Attach some “seatbelt” like straps with the strong pins;
  5. Sticky tape red, orange, and yellow cellophane at the bottom.

Instant rocket packs. Nefarious is currently wearing his rocket pack with a pair of goggles (like a snorkel mask). I can’t wait to show him The Rocketeer. Just need to add a helmet and he is set. Mind you, we’re having trouble getting him to take it off (there’s another blog post in this: How to Use Your Spawnling’s Obsession to Motivate Appropriate Behaviour).

The beauty of this – it’s simplicity. It is not doused in complexity to scare off wannabe-evil-genius-parents. It is also not too obtuse so as to scare off candy-minions, afraid to part with lollies because they don’t understand Chewbacca’s growl.

In fact, the simplicity will entice the greatest return from the little old lady down the street. Simple will bring out the adorable in the age -group 0 to 10.

And with all that spare time you have from making a simple costume, you can get back to designing your own freeze ray. To shoot at the dumb-arse kids in ghost/sheet costumes knocking on your door.

Got a better costume idea? Share it below in the comments. You might even make it on the short list Evil Genius Parent Awards.

Evil Genius Tool #2 – Spinning Teacup

I swear – they were looking at me, like my kids were those kids. The kids at the park, trashing the place with over-the-top sugar-laced-with-red-colouring behaviour. Seriously – if you think my kids are those kids, then you have no idea what those kids are like. I so want to watch you in the first year of school with your precious princess. They’ll be bringing my kids safety money, to protect them from the actual bullies.

Let me start at the beginning: Beautiful day. So I take Sinister and Nefarious to a park to burn off the extra energy in the afternoon. Otherwise, we will hit 5pm and our place becomes Thunderdome: Four Evil Genius* enter. One leaves. And doesn’t clean up after herself.

The park today has one of the spinning tea-cups that are so controversial in modern society. Here’s what they look like:

Those of you yet to spawn your own kids may remember these in a more full-blown version: Roofed over with doorways. Crafted in such a way that the g-forces would force your brains into the back of your skull, taking even greater effort to ensure you directed your vomit OUT of the vehicle. An important skill, because even if you DID hit your friend with the vomit, it would still be whipped around inside to splash in your face as well. Pure Genius.

These days, they are ‘more open’. Allowing a bit more fresh air to help quell the up-chuck. But they still entice the same level of enthusiasm from kids: Who can make it go fast enough to throw up.

And my kids did. *sniff* Atta’  boys.

In all honesty, I told the other parents that my kids would go fast. NASA-Astronaut testing fast, if they could.

Oh no. It’s okay. She’ll be fine. She can handle these things. She is used to playing with the older kids.

Fair enough, she did last two rounds (counted as spinning super fast, and then allowing it to slow down naturally before speeding it up again). And then the poor kid started to look green. And then the crying started.

Playground etiquette: If a kid cries, every parent will look over for one of two reasons. Either to check if it was their child crying. Or to check that it wasn’t their child causing the crying.

At this point, every parent is staring in our direction, watching this poor 5yo girl stumble back across the playground and then hurl her guts up. And while this is happening, listening to my boys go “Wow! That was super fast!! Mum – was that super fast?!? Can we go again? Should we wait for her to finish? Is she okay?”

Please note: My kids DID stop to ask if she was okay. And to confer with playground etiquette, I also stopped to ask the dad if she was okay. Which he responded with “She’ll be okay. I made sure he was at least heading in the direction of the gate before yelling back to my kids “That was AWESOME!! She’s going home, but you guys can go again!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a few parents suddenly hover over their kids. And I laughed – out loud.

Kids need to test their limits (and ours). If they don’t regularly test their limits, how will they know what they are capable of, and more importantly – whether they can beat their previous high score. Seriously – I am starting to get a good laugh watching parents stressing about whether their kids are reading the 100 Magic Words before starting school, or counting to 99, or knowing the chemical compound of soap. Great; Happy for you; Be proud (especially about the soap – that’s important for kids. Clean and tasty… from what I hear).

But true leaders need resilience, confidence, and a sense of humour. And if you keep hovering over your kids, removing the fun playground equipment, and keeping them locked away at home, then I can guarantee you one thing: Your kid is next year’s Top Minion.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. There’s no such thing as a Top Minion. They’re all minions and they all serve me Evil Genius Inc.

So, we have now decided to rename the Spinning Teacup in honour of this event. Henceforth, they will be known as Minion Terminator! If you can survive with my kids in a Minion Terminator, then you may stop shoveling shit and progress to the next level of minion testing. Otherwise, mop your vomit over to the pile of shit and get back to work.

Tomorrow, Sinister and Nefarious have asked for a park with a Minion Launcher – otherwise known as a see-saw.

Anyone for a playdate?

*Footnote: There is some disagreement over the proper plural for the noun genius. The official, English Literature approved is genii (ge-ni-eye), because genius is derived from Latin.

However, the colloquial term is also accepted – being geniuses. This is most applicable if referring to the quality of genius rather than the individual genius.

The third accepted term is to refer to the genius as a ‘collective genius’.

As Evil Genius Mum, I have opted to the melodic sound of the collective genius. And since it is my blog, my rules. So when you have your own collective genius, then we’ll talk. And you’ll still be wrong. Because mine sounds better.   

Evil Genius Parent Award #3

Big welcome to the minions who joined us last week for Evil Genius Parent Award #2. Good work coming back for more inspiration in evil parenting – and you will not be disappointed.

This week’s recipient was nominated by another minion. Honorary Mention goes to Megan S for introducing me to..

ChecklistMommy!!

Read here for her award-winning blog post, as she guides you through the steps of delivering crazy threats of punishment, and still winning in the mental showdown with your spawnlings!

The blog mentioned above is crafty example of spawnling manipulation, leading to a win-win situation while still providing enough torment to remind the child “Who’s. Da. Boss.”

Well done Checklist Mommy! Inspiring parents everywhere that we CAN still get what we want.

I look forward to the follow-up blog post next month, when her daughter Gaga learns to call her bluff.